Behind the Lens

A friend of mine from college (with two young kids of her own) recently wrote a blog post about her desire to come out from behind the camera lens to actually appear in pictures with her children. She had read an article by Allison Tate entitled "The Mom Stays in the Picture."  Before we continue, here's a link to the article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-tate/mom-pictures-with-kids_b_1926073.html

Stephen and I were gifted an awesome DSLR camera shortly after Gavin was born, mostly because I had expressed a huge interest in photography and wanted to document all of the little moments in my precious baby's young life.  While Stephen did play around with the camera from time to time, he mostly served as one of my models as I purchased new lenses, tried new techniques, and struggled to get the "perfect shot" of Gavin smiling his best smile.  We started referring to the camera as mine rather than ours.  Especially in Gavin's first year, the camera became my extra appendage as we sailed through so many of Gavin's first moments.

But as that first year drew to a close, I began to get frustrated.  I had been so focused on documenting Gavin's life that I had forgotten to actually jump in the pictures from time to time.  I had so many gorgeous pictures of Stephen with our son -- heck, I had so many gorgeous pictures of everyone with our son -- but the photos I had of me and Gavin were mostly limited to selfies taken on my iPhone and blurry photos taken by bystanders who didn't know how to use the settings on the DSLR.  Aside from some professional portraits we had paid someone else to take, I had very few really great photos of me just interacting with my child.  Furthermore, we had this complicated (but wonderful) camera that no one else knew how to use.

Let's be real, these two photos show a HUGE difference in quality.

I let Stephen know that I'd like him to learn how to use the camera, at least on automatic, so that I wasn't always the one behind the lens -- but even then, I just ended up with photos of me emphatically pointing to the camera while Gavin distractedly gazed at a far-off dandelion he just had to have.  Either that, or totally unflattering photos taken at totally unflattering angles that made me feel terrible about my post-baby body.  It became something I resented -- the fact that I had this great camera that took great photos of everyone but me, apparently.

Allison Tate's article is interesting because it brings up another point -- that maybe I'm simply not okay being in photos when my hair is messy, my makeup isn't done, or I'm feeling huge (which, at nearly 33 weeks pregnant, is more often than not).  If a photo isn't flattering, it gets deleted immediately.  It's a valid thought -- I judge myself way harder than Gavin ever will.  To Gavin, I'm just Mommy.  I'm not Mommy with no makeup, or Mommy with frizzy hair, or even Mommy with an enormous baby bump (he's more enamored with his own belly button anyway).  Just Mommy.  So maybe I need to be okay not looking like a glamour queen in every photo.  Maybe I need to just appreciate that the photo captures that particular moment with my son, period.

But then there are pictures like the one taken at Disney, above.  We were having a great time on our first day in Orlando, and yet this photo shows Gavin's anxiously trying to get out of his stroller and not even remotely looking at the camera, and I'm smiling but frustrated, wishing Stephen would do something (anything) to draw Gavin's attention away from the bird/boat/other child.  That's where I think I excel as a photographer -- not due to SKILL at all, but due to PATIENCE.  I know that, eventually, one of my tricks will work and Gavin will look towards the camera, perhaps even gracing us with a smile.  Take the following shots, for example:

The top photo was maybe the tenth attempt at getting everyone to smile and look at the camera at the same time.  Honestly, everyone was ready to throw in the towel -- but it was Mother's Day and I really wanted a picture of Gavin smiling with his grandma and great grandma.  Stephen grabbed a balloon from inside, distracted Gavin, and voila!  A seemingly impossible photo became possible.  And beyond that, the photo actually manages to capture the moment.  Gavin was having a lot of fun with Diana and Ermina, even if that top photo makes him look antsy and pensive.  So why is it too much to ask that the photos I'm actually IN similarly reflect how happy my son makes me, and how happy he is when he's spending time with Mommy?  When Gavin looks back at these photos, I don't need him to see his mom looking flawless, but I'd like him to at least see how much joy he brought to my life.

One of my favorite pictures of me with Gavin, at 7 months old, taken by Jennifer Rose Photography.

It's a work in progress I guess.  The DSLR is hard to use if you're used to a point-and-shoot, especially with my favorite lens (the 85mm f/1.8).  Gavin is a toddler.  I'm hugely pregnant.  And in all honesty, photography has become a real passion of mine since having children -- I love being the one taking the photos.  But that being said, I'm seriously considering hiring a birth photographer to capture the important moments from Baylor's big day.  We have a newborn photographer lined up for portraits -- but I want someone to take pictures of our faces when we see our baby girl for the first time.  I want to be able to relive moments that I might forget, due to labor and delivery complications or heavy doses of Phenergan and exhaustion.  And most importantly, I'd like to be able to step out from behind the lens while still being able to look back at the raw emotion and relief of bringing a child safely into the world, glamour queen or not.

I guess sometimes it's okay to look a bit disheveled...  :)

Welcome to the family, Tater!

This past weekend, my parents adopted an adorable new puppy!  Like Wilson, he's a cream-colored golden doodle...and like Wilson, he has a sweet face and an even sweeter demeanor.  Of course, we immediately rushed over to meet the little fellow and take photos of his fluffy goodness!  We were happy to find that Tater is GREAT with Gavin, Gavin is GREAT with Tater, and my parents have GREAT taste in puppies.  Take a look!

So much love!

It's exhausting being so cute...

Gavin even shared his favorite toy with his new buddy!

TACKLE!

No more kisses!

Welcome home, Tater!  You couldn't ask for better puppy-parents!  :)

Zoo Blooms and Other Weekend Adventures

As promised, here are some photos from our recent weekend outings.  We've had fun enjoying the beautiful weather at Zoo Blooms and the Franklin Conservatory in Columbus!  It was especially nice to spend time with my younger brother last weekend.  (As you can see in the pictures below, Gavin is pretty obsessed with Ken.)  With any luck, we're planning on a few more "spring" adventures before the hot weather hits!  The butterfly show at Krohn is still on our list...

Scheduling Baby

I'm often told that Gavin is a great sleeper, and when I find myself complaining about an 8:00 wake-up when my son usually sleeps until 9:00 or 9:30, the looks I receive from my other mommy friends make me feel like I'm crazy to expect twelve-hour sleep stretches on a regular basis.

But here's the thing -- while Gavin is, indeed, a great sleeper, it has not been without enormous struggle.

This is a child who didn't sleep a wink until six months.  Seriously, we spent a full six months waking up every single hour throughout the night to feed him, hold him, console him, and beg beg BEG him to go back to sleep.  Stephen and I were walking zombies.  We took turns sleeping in the guest room.  We snuck in naps after work and on Sunday mornings.  We pretty much resigned ourselves to never sleeping again.

Finally, at six months, our pediatrician told us to sleep train Gavin using the Ferber method, and within ONE WEEK, Gavin was only waking up once or twice a night.  It felt like bliss, and we were okay with the new nightly routine.  Still, it wasn't until ten or eleven months that Gavin gave us an entire night's sleep.  By the time he was a year old, we finally were getting twelve-hour stretches consistently. Now, seven months later, it is a truly rare occurrence for us to hear the monitor go off before 9:00 am.  It's awesome and something we definitely don't take for granted.

Because we know what it feels like to have a terrible sleeper, Stephen and I are pretty strict about our schedule for Gavin.  He has set mealtimes, a set nap, and a pretty detailed bedtime routine.  It's not that we aren't flexible on times -- the kid doesn't have to eat breakfast at 10:05 on the dot or anything like that -- but in general, we like him to nap from 1-3 and sleep from 9-9, so we do pretty much anything in our power to ensure that those things happen.  He'll only be this little for so long, and if we have to sacrifice late-night dinners for a few years in order to function like normal people, so be it.  

But the more I talk with other parents, the more I realize that not everyone has their babies on a schedule -- feeding, sleeping, or otherwise.  It seems so foreign to me, maybe because Gavin is so strong-willed and seems so dependent on a routine -- keeping in mind, of course, that our routine is wholly developed from Gavin's needs, not our own.  If our growing boy doesn't get dinner around 6:00, he'll run to his highchair and try to climb up by himself.  When he's ready for nap, he'll grab his binky and lovey and stare at you until you bring him to his crib.  Furthermore, he is absolutely not the type of child who will fall asleep just anywhere.  Occasionally he'll nap in his carseat, but he's never been one of those kids you see zonked out in their strollers at the park.  Maybe we did this to him by enforcing "sleep cues" for the past year -- lights out, white noise on, fresh diaper, etc. -- and sometimes we find ourselves wishing Gavin would fall asleep in a stroller or pack-n-play so we could stay out longer, but at this point in our lives, this is what works for us.  Sleep trumps all.

So yes, our child is a great sleeper, for now at least.  When Gavin gets up before 8:30, I worry that something is wrong with him and endure incredulous stares from my mommy friends who wake up at 6:00 with their little munchkins.  But we work for this.  We work to make sure Gavin gets the sleep he needs, so that he stays happy and healthy.  We work to make sure that we have time to spend together as a couple during naps and after we put Gavin to bed for the night.  We work to enjoy the last few weeks of solid sleep we may ever get.  So for now, we will continue to be the family that is leaving the zoo just as most are arriving, fighting the clock to ensure we are home around 1:00 for nap.  

Photos Photos Photos

I have a big photo update coming your way from our trip to Zoo Blooms and the Butterfly Show at Franklin Conservatory these past few weekends, but Gavin is starting to stir in his crib and I'm on limited time here, so for right now, I just want to share some pictures from Gavin's spring photos with Jennifer Rose Photography and Baylor's pseudo-successful 3D/4D ultrasound:

We are really happy with how they turned out, especially because they are from a mini-session and you never really know if you'll get any good shots in such a short period of time.  Of course, my favorites are the ones where Gavin is smiling (since I think his smile is the cutest thing in the whole world) -- but I really think each of them captures his personality at this stage.  He's constantly on the move, constantly needing to be wrangled, and full of expression and joy.  He's my little heartbreaker.  :)

And now for Little Miss Baby's close-up:

As I mentioned, this one picture took THREE ATTEMPTS.  Baylor seems most comfortable when she has her hands in her face -- Gavin was the same way -- so a good, clear 3D/4D shot was hard to come by.  In fact, we were so sure we wouldn't get any pictures this time that Stephen didn't even come with me yesterday, but thankfully, the tech was able to score a cute picture of our princess with her arm only partially blocking her face.  I love it, because we actually have a really similar shot from Gavin's 3D/4D ultrasound at 30 weeks:

Stephen thinks Baylor has puffier cheeks than Gavin (which I can't even fathom, since Gavin's cheeks look perpetually stuffed with marshmallows), but otherwise, we're thinking they look adorably similar.  I'm so excited to meet her and see Gavin in his role of big brother.

Also, I may or may not have bought this outfit for Baylor last night (in anticipation of another disappointing ultrasound), prompting Stephen to say that he may or may not ever let me out of the house to "run errands" again, haha:

Okay, that's a KOALA holding a CAMERA.  Have you ever seen a more perfect outfit for the daughter of someone obsessed with both Australia and photography?  I mean, COME ON!  Little Miss has way too many clothes -- we knew this would happen, despite our claims that we learned our lesson from Gavin, blah blah blah -- but if Stephen can buy fifteen Bengals outfits for our son, I figured it wouldn't be a big deal to buy this little cutie for OUR little cutie.  (Quite frankly, I'm shocked Stephen isn't IMPRESSED that I didn't buy the whole koala collection from Gymboree!)

That's all for now.  Bobby and Stephen are finishing the crib tonight, and then I get so start decorating the nursery, so stay tuned for lots of photos from both our recent and upcoming adventures!  This time of year is so fun.

30 Weeks

Earlier this week I wrote about the emotional pain of losing our family puppy -- but unfortunately, I have been dealing with some physical pain this week as well.

Yes, I have finally reached the point in my pregnancy where I can stop bragging about how wonderfully easy this whole experience has been for me.  Suddenly, I am finding it difficult to work at my normal pace.  Suddenly, I'm waddling everywhere instead of walking.  Suddenly, even turning over in bed is a big production.

It's rough.  And because my pregnancy has been so uncomplicated so far, I had forgotten about a lot of these common discomforts.  It's annoying enough to be up every two to three hours peeing in the middle of the night (especially knowing that these are truly my last few weeks of "uninterrupted" sleep) -- but to also fight the constant aches and pains of late pregnancy?  Blech.  In all honesty, I'm probably just to the point where I need to take it a little easier on myself -- I've carried Gavin around far longer than my OB recommended and I'm usually spending free time running errands, doing household chores, or working out -- so it's probably just time to kick my feet up a bit.  But with an active toddler, how realistic is that, really?  Stephen is working full-time and taking classes.  I'm working four days a week.  Somewhere within this alleged "free time," appointments need to be scheduled, bills need to be paid, Gavin needs to run around, meals need to be cooked.  I just don't see how I can afford to slow down now.

Anyway, I've been told a few times that my belly has really, really popped this week -- but I don't think I look much bigger than I did at 25 weeks.  With Gavin, I remember the huge changes happening between 30 and 40 weeks, when the baby gains all its fat, so I'm assuming these next ten weeks will cause the buttons on my maternity clothes to pull even further!

We had attempt #2 at a 3D/4D ultrasound last week, and it was another big failure.  Baylor is already head-down and spine-up, which I've been told is "just perfect for labor and delivery" -- though, with ten weeks to go, I don't need her to be just perfect quite yet!  As a consolation prize for another failed attempt at seeing our little girl, the tech decided to take her measurements and tell us how much she's currently weighing.  3 lb 6 oz, at 29 weeks.  Gavin measured 3 pounds exactly at 30 weeks, and ended up being 8 lb 10 oz -- so needless to say, I'm now picturing giving birth to a 12 pound baby girl in a few weeks.  In addition, TWO different doctors have now told me they won't let me go past 39 or 40 weeks with Baylor (whereas with Gavin, I had to beg to be induced once I passed the 41 week mark).  I feel like there's something I'm not being told here, haha!  The important thing, as always, is that she's happy and healthy in there -- and though I'm uncomfortable and in a substantial amount of pain, I am also healthy where it counts.

I can't believe how close we're getting to being parents of two...!